作词 : Louis C.K.
作曲 : Louis C.K.
Well, it’s nice to be in Washington, D.C., where — I was born here.
I like it here, ’cause I like any city, I like cities. I don’t like cities that are too advanced.
You know, I was in Zurich. And they have so much sh–
you know, they’re like, “Here’s the bike, you want a bicycle? It’s yours. Just have it, it’s nice.”
And they have the garbage with the eight ****in’ holes of different shapes — it’s like an IQ test for a monkey. I don’t know what the ****.
There’s one hole has a picture of a cup,
and the next one is a picture of a cup that’s a little different.
I’m standing there with a dead baby, I don’t know where I’m supposed to…
What am I suppose to do with that?
It doesn’t go in the newspapers slot, but otherwise, I don’t know.
I like cities, I don’t like little places. When I go to Europe, I go to the big cities. Everybody tells you,
“Don’t go to Madrid. Yeah. Just go to Madrid for like a day.
And then you got to take a train and you have to go to
It’s a beautiful little old village and you’re gonna love it.”
**** you, you don’t know me. I’m not going to love a village in Europe with a bell that goes “pang,” like, whenever,
and a dog walking alone.
I don’t like cute little places. I don’t like little towns in America either, with little shops.
“Oh, look at that little shop! Let’s go in that little shop.”
Nah, let’s get a divorce. Isn’t that a better idea?
You go in there, I’ll just walk away.
Just tell the kids I was a pilot and I got shot down.
I don’t like little shops. I’m uncomfortable in a little shop.
You go in, it’s like, “cli-li-ling-ling, cli-li-ling.”
Now it’s just you and her.
You’re surrounded by her dream.
And you can’t just, “Ugh!” and leave! Well, you…
She saw you, you have to go all the way in now
and look at all the little crafts that she made.
You made this? Really? You made this instead of killing yourself?
I ****ing wish I was that mean. I really do.
All my fantasies are about being mean, just having the balls to, like, walk in a little store like that and just go like, “Oh, I don’t like this at all.
I don’t like it in here. Unh-uh. What’s your name? Debbie? **** you, Debbie. I don’t like your store.
I was in Florida recently, I don’t like Florida at all, it’s a shit state full of shit people, that’s what I think.
Hate Florida. I hate it. I hate the whole thing. The whole — the entire — it looks like — it doesn’t look like a dick. People say that; it looks like a shit coming out. If you look at it, it’s like America’s ass,
and it’s a shit that’s just — that you’re trying to…
And there’s a little — Cuba’s like a little — Pbbt! That came first. That’s what I think of Florida.
Every time there’s a hurricane, I’m like, “Yeah, get ’em! Get ’em all, Melissa!”
No, I don’t mean any of that. I was just funnin’.
Just fun to pretend.
I was in a sushi restaurant in Florida. And it was empty — you ever go in a restaurant and it’s open, but it’s —
you’re literally the only person in there.
You walk in, the staff is like sitting at the tables, you know,
and you walk in, you’re like, “Are you open?” They’re like, “Yeah.”
And you go, “Oh, good.” And you — and they’re like, “Aww, pfft!
We gotta fire up the whole ****in’ restaurant for this one guy now?”
So I ordered a lot of sushi because I felt bad for wasting their time, and, um…
And I — I didn’t eat most of it because I don’t like sushi. And, um
— so the waitress comes over. She’s Japanese and she says, “You no finish?”
Which is what she said. I’m not…
It’s just what she said, I can’t…
I’m not gonna change what she ****ing said.
I’m not gonna lie to ya and say that she said, “You’re not going to finish that,” because it doesn’t happen to be what she said.
And I have to do the accent because it’s weird if I tell you she said, “You no finish?”
So I’m stuck. I’m just telling you what happened.
She said, “You no finish?”
“Whoo, you no finish!”
That’s exactly what she said. It’s a perfect replica.
No, it was subtle.
She said, “You no finish?”
And I said, “No, I no finish.”
Because I think that’s — I think it’s polite to repeat people’s bad English to them.
Otherwise, you’re being a dick, it’s like, “You no finish?”
No, I am not going to finish.
You left out a lot of words.
I took the liberty of restoring them.
[00:00.000] 作词 : Louis C.K.
[00:00.089] 作曲 : Louis C.K.
[00:00.178]Well, it’s nice to be in Washington, D.C., where — I was born here.
[00:05.891][Cheering and applause]
[00:06.687]I like it here, ’cause I like any city, I like cities. I don’t like cities that are too advanced.
[00:12.797]You know, I was in Zurich. And they have so much sh–
[00:14.922]you know, they’re like, “Here’s the bike, you want a bicycle? It’s yours. Just have it, it’s nice.”
[00:21.297]And they have the garbage with the eight ****in’ holes of different shapes — it’s like an IQ test for a monkey. I don’t know what the ****.
[00:31.922]There’s one hole has a picture of a cup,
[00:34.311]and the next one is a picture of a cup that’s a little different.
[00:38.031]I’m standing there with a dead baby, I don’t know where I’m supposed to…
[00:42.282]What am I suppose to do with that?
[00:46.000]It doesn’t go in the newspapers slot, but otherwise, I don’t know.
[00:49.453][Laughter]
[00:51.579]I like cities, I don’t like little places. When I go to Europe, I go to the big cities. Everybody tells you,
[00:59.282]“Don’t go to Madrid. Yeah. Just go to Madrid for like a day.
[01:01.936]And then you got to take a train and you have to go to [Gibberish]
[01:11.765]It’s a beautiful little old village and you’re gonna love it.”
[01:21.789]**** you, you don’t know me. I’m not going to love a village in Europe with a bell that goes “pang,” like, whenever,
[01:31.883]and a dog walking alone.
[01:34.539]I don’t like cute little places. I don’t like little towns in America either, with little shops.
[01:43.836]“Oh, look at that little shop! Let’s go in that little shop.”
[01:51.007]Nah, let’s get a divorce. Isn’t that a better idea?
[01:55.523]You go in there, I’ll just walk away.
[01:59.242]Just tell the kids I was a pilot and I got shot down.
[02:02.960]I don’t like little shops. I’m uncomfortable in a little shop.
[02:10.664]You go in, it’s like, “cli-li-ling-ling, cli-li-ling.”
[02:15.975]Now it’s just you and her.
[02:21.819]You’re surrounded by her dream.
[02:29.256]And you can’t just, “Ugh!” and leave! Well, you…
[02:37.226]She saw you, you have to go all the way in now
[02:41.741]and look at all the little crafts that she made.
[02:44.398][Laughter]
[02:49.712][Exasperated sigh]
[02:55.819]You made this? Really? You made this instead of killing yourself?
[03:05.117][Laughter]
[03:07.507]I ****ing wish I was that mean. I really do.
[03:26.988]All my fantasies are about being mean, just having the balls to, like, walk in a little store like that and just go like, “Oh, I don’t like this at all.
[03:28.317]I don’t like it in here. Unh-uh. What’s your name? Debbie? **** you, Debbie. I don’t like your store.
[03:32.831]I was in Florida recently, I don’t like Florida at all, it’s a shit state full of shit people, that’s what I think.
[03:55.020]Hate Florida. I hate it. I hate the whole thing. The whole — the entire — it looks like — it doesn’t look like a dick. People say that; it looks like a shit coming out. If you look at it, it’s like America’s ass,
[03:55.817]and it’s a shit that’s just — that you’re trying to…
[04:01.066]And there’s a little — Cuba’s like a little — Pbbt! That came first. That’s what I think of Florida.
[04:06.112]Every time there’s a hurricane, I’m like, “Yeah, get ’em! Get ’em all, Melissa!”
[04:09.831]No, I don’t mean any of that. I was just funnin’.
[04:13.816]Just fun to pretend.
[04:18.217]I was in a sushi restaurant in Florida. And it was empty — you ever go in a restaurant and it’s open, but it’s —
[04:26.187]you’re literally the only person in there.
[04:27.248]You walk in, the staff is like sitting at the tables, you know,
[04:29.638]and you walk in, you’re like, “Are you open?” They’re like, “Yeah.”
[04:32.826]And you go, “Oh, good.” And you — and they’re like, “Aww, pfft!
[04:36.228]We gotta fire up the whole ****in’ restaurant for this one guy now?”
[04:43.057]So I ordered a lot of sushi because I felt bad for wasting their time, and, um…
[04:47.306]And I — I didn’t eat most of it because I don’t like sushi. And, um
[04:52.088]— so the waitress comes over. She’s Japanese and she says, “You no finish?”
[04:57.666]Which is what she said. I’m not…
[05:00.322]It’s just what she said, I can’t…
[05:05.104]I’m not gonna change what she ****ing said.
[05:07.760]I’m not gonna lie to ya and say that she said, “You’re not going to finish that,” because it doesn’t happen to be what she said.
[05:14.135]And I have to do the accent because it’s weird if I tell you she said, “You no finish?”
[05:21.307]So I’m stuck. I’m just telling you what happened.
[05:27.150]She said, “You no finish?”
[05:30.339]“Whoo, you no finish!”
[05:34.589][Gibberish]
[05:37.775]That’s exactly what she said. It’s a perfect replica.
[05:41.760]No, it was subtle.
[05:47.338]She said, “You no finish?”
[05:50.526]And I said, “No, I no finish.”
[05:54.511]Because I think that’s — I think it’s polite to repeat people’s bad English to them.
[06:03.010]Otherwise, you’re being a dick, it’s like, “You no finish?”
[06:08.522]No, I am not going to finish.
[06:09.318][Laughter]
[06:13.302]You left out a lot of words.
[06:15.162]I took the liberty of restoring them.