I'm the kind of bloke with a colourful past
Prone to behaving like a bit of an ass
Problematic is my middle name
So we might as well just get it out of the way
And cancel me now please
Put me out of my misery
I vote for parties of the left at every election
My anti-establishment credentials are second-to-none
Two nights a week I volunteer at a food bank
But Gillian Anderson's Thatcher got me having a wank
So cancel me tonight
And let's move on with our incredibly disappointing lives
I saw a drunk girl in a nightclub who could barely open her eyes
I walked up and asked her are you alright?
I gave her some cab fare and I slipped away
But then went to a chippy and ate a battery-farmed chicken leg
So cancel me before we begin, then I can sing for the sake of singing
Recorded some covers of the King of Pop
'Rock with You' and 'Don't Stop Till You Get Enough'
I watched 'Leaving Neverland' now realise I'm a disgrace
And I probably shouldn't have recorded them in black face
So cancel me immediately
Replace me with a queer woman of colour please
Because air travel, dairy and pornography
Are gonna go the same way as slavery
So cancel me, and all of your friends
Because our great-great-grandkids will think we're all bellends
I'm the kind of bloke with a colourful past
Prone to behaving like a bit of an ass
Problematic is my middle name
So we might as well just get it out of the way
And cancel me now please
Put me out of my misery
I vote for parties of the left at every election
My anti-establishment credentials are second-to-none
Two nights a week I volunteer at a food bank
But Gillian Anderson's Thatcher got me having a wank
So cancel me tonight
And let's move on with our incredibly disappointing lives
I saw a drunk girl in a nightclub who could barely open her eyes
I walked up and asked her are you alright?
I gave her some cab fare and I slipped away
But then went to a chippy and ate a battery-farmed chicken leg
So cancel me before we begin, then I can sing for the sake of singing
Recorded some covers of the King of Pop
'Rock with You' and 'Don't Stop Till You Get Enough'
I watched 'Leaving Neverland' now realise I'm a disgrace
And I probably shouldn't have recorded them in black face
So cancel me immediately
Replace me with a queer woman of colour please
Because air travel, dairy and pornography
Are gonna go the same way as slavery
So cancel me, and all of your friends
Because our great-great-grandkids will think we're all bellends