The Age of Innocence, Chapter 45

歌手： Edith Wharton • 专辑：The Age of Innocence (unabridged) • 发布时间：2017-01-27 
作词 : Edith Wharton
She pronounced the “we” with a faint emphasis
that gave it an ironic sound.

Archer felt the irony
but did not dare to take it up.
After all, she had perhaps purposely
deflected the conversation from her own affairs,
and after the pain his last words had evidently caused her
he felt that all he could do was to follow her lead.
But the sense of the waning hour
made him desperate:
he could not bear the thought that a barrier of words
should drop between them again.

“Yes,” he said abruptly;
“I went south to ask May to marry me after Easter.
There’s no reason why we shouldn’t be married then.”

“And May adores you—
and yet you couldn’t convince her?
I thought her too intelligent
to be the slave of such absurd superstitions.”

“She is too intelligent—
she’s not their slave.”

Madame Olenska looked at him.
“Well, then—I don’t understand.”

Archer reddened,
and hurried on with a rush.
“We had a frank talk—
almost the first.
She thinks my impatience a bad sign.”

“Merciful heavens—a bad sign?”

“She thinks it means
that I can’t trust myself to go on caring for her.
She thinks, in short,
I want to marry her at once
to get away from some one that I—
care for more.”

Madame Olenska examined this curiously.
“But, if she thinks that—
why isn’t she in a hurry too?”

“Because she’s not like that:
she’s so much nobler.
She insists all the more on the long engagement,
to give me time—”

“Time to give her up
for the other woman?”

“If I want to.”

Madame Olenska leaned toward the fire
and gazed into it with fixed eyes.
Down the quiet street Archer heard
the approaching trot of her horses.

“That is noble,” she said,
with a slight break in her voice.

“Yes. But it’s ridiculous.”

“Ridiculous?
Because you don’t care for any one else?”

“Because I don’t mean to marry any one else.”

“Ah.”
There was another long interval.
At length she looked up at him and asked:
“This other woman—
does she love you?”

“Oh, there’s no other woman;
I mean,
the person that May was thinking of is—
was never—”

“Then, why, after all, are you in such haste?”

“There’s your carriage,” said Archer.

She half-rose
and looked about her with absent eyes.
Her fan and gloves lay on the sofa beside her
and she picked them up mechanically.

“Yes; I suppose I must be going.”

“You’re going to Mrs. Struthers’s?”

“Yes.” She smiled and added:
“I must go where I am invited,
or I should be too lonely.
Why not come with me?”

Archer felt that at any cost
he must keep her beside him,
must make her give him the rest of her evening.
Ignoring her question,
he continued to lean against the chimney-piece,
his eyes fixed on the hand in which she held her gloves and fan,
as if watching to see
if he had the power to make her drop them.

“May guessed the truth,” he said.
“There is another woman—
but not the one she thinks.”

Ellen Olenska made no answer,
and did not move.
After a moment he sat down beside her,
and, taking her hand, softly unclasped it,
so that the gloves and fan
fell on the sofa between them.

She started up,
and freeing herself from him
moved away to the other side of the hearth.
“Ah, don’t make love to me!
Too many people have done that,”
she said, frowning.

Archer, changing colour, stood up also:
it was the bitterest rebuke she could have given him.
“I have never made love to you,”
he said, “and I never shall.
But you are the woman I would have married
if it had been possible for either of us.”

“Possible for either of us?”
She looked at him with unfeigned astonishment.
“And you say that—
when it’s you who’ve made it impossible?”

He stared at her, groping in a blackness
through which a single arrow of light tore its blinding way.

“I’ve made it impossible—?”

“You, you, you!” she cried,
her lip trembling like a child’s
on the verge of tears.
“Isn’t it you who made me give up divorcing—
give it up because you showed me
how selfish and wicked it was,
how one must sacrifice one’s self to preserve the dignity of marriage . . .
and to spare one’s family the publicity, the scandal?
And because my family was going to be your family—
for May’s sake and for yours—
I did what you told me,
what you proved to me that I ought to do.
Ah,” she broke out with a sudden laugh,
“I’ve made no secret of having done it for you!”

She sank down on the sofa again,
crouching among the festive ripples of her dress
like a stricken masquerader;
and the young man stood by the fireplace
and continued to gaze at her without moving.

“Good God,” he groaned.
“When I thought—”

“You thought?”

“Ah, don’t ask me what I thought!”

Still looking at her,
he saw the same burning flush
creep up her neck to her face.
She sat upright,
facing him with a rigid dignity.

“I do ask you.”

“Well, then:
there were things in that letter you asked me to read—”

“My husband’s letter?”

“Yes.”

“I had nothing to fear from that letter:
absolutely nothing!
All I feared was to bring notoriety, scandal, on the family—on you and May.”

“Good God,” he groaned again,
bowing his face in his hands.

The silence that followed lay on them
with the weight of things final and irrevocable.
It seemed to Archer to be crushing him down like his own grave-stone;
in all the wide future
he saw nothing that would ever lift that load from his heart.
He did not move from his place,
or raise his head from his hands;
his hidden eyeballs went on staring into utter darkness.

“At least I loved you—”
he brought out.

On the other side of the hearth,
from the sofa-corner where he supposed that she still crouched,
he heard a faint stifled crying like a child’s.
He started up and came to her side.

“Ellen! What madness!
Why are you crying?
Nothing’s done that can’t be undone.
I’m still free,
and you’re going to be.”
He had her in his arms,
her face like a wet flower at his lips,
and all their vain terrors
shrivelling up like ghosts at sunrise.
The one thing that astonished him now was
that he should have stood for five minutes arguing with her across the width of the room,
when just touching her made everything so simple.

She gave him back all his kiss,
but after a moment
he felt her stiffening in his arms,
and she put him aside and stood up.
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